That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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