you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Still dying that you shit outside
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
