Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize