Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How naked do you want me to be?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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