ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
