i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
