Do you still have your period?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
