Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
