That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
