Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
