We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
