Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
