So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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