So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
