im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
