My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
