Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Im part way to drunk.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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