I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
