he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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