the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
