im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
