i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
