I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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