Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
