is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
