just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize