I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
