on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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