Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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