I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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