So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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