I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
