did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
