I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
