think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
