I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
