I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
