Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
