eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
