Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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