So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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