The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
