if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
