You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
