weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize