my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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