She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
