dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
