Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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