I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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