He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No stitches, just platelets and will power
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
