The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize