My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
