I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
