There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
