Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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