So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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