So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
