Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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