she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
