i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
