I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
