we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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