East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
