My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
