Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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